Cartaphilus - How-2 Meet Women - The ...

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HOW−2 MEET WOMEN: Cover
HOW−2 Meet Women
The Shy Man's Guide to Relationships
Cartaphilus
For Immediate Release
A Magic Formula to Conquer Shyness and Become Attractive to
Women?
The bad news is that there exists no such formula. The good
news is that you don't need one. You can learn to live with
and make the most of your shyness, and yes, get girlfriends
too.
HOW−2 Meet Women: The Shy Man's Guide To Relationships is a book for every man who has ever felt a
lump in his throat when he approached a woman. It is for the socially inept and the lonely. It is for the man
who wants to change his luck with women − and turn his life around. It is for every guy who believes in
self−improvement.
The author of HOW−2 Meet Women has graciously consented to answer a few questions about himself and
the book.
Q: What are your credentials for writing a book of this nature?
A: Credentials? We don' need no steenking credentials.
I had to take Intro to Psychology twice to learn what makes dogs salivate, but was still
clueless about human motivations. I subsequently obtained an advanced degree in
Living−Day−To−Day Technology from the School of Hard Knocks, and that absolutely
qualifies me to make authoritative−sounding pronouncements about Happiness, Fulfillment,
and The Meaning Of Life.
Actually, my writing credits include a file encryption article in "Electronic Design" magazine,
in addition to the "Advanced Bash−Scripting Guide" and "Software−Building and Installation
HOWTO" for the Linux Documentation Project. A long, long shy bachelorhood, during
which I made every misstep described in the book, not to mention countless others, certifies
me as a Grand Master, Magister, and Mentor of dating and relationships.
Q: So, why did you write this particular book?
A: The book needed to be written. There was nothing much available for specifically helping a shy man find a
girlfriend. I wrote the very book I so desperately needed at age 21, a down−to−earth guide to relating to
women. The result is what I consider a benchmark in the literature, something every subsequent book on
forming relationships will have to match to be taken seriously.
Q: What do you find most gratifying about readers' response to the book?
A: Several readers have informed me that the book helped them find a long−term relationship. Quite a number
of others told me that reading it made sense of their dating and relationship experiences. This means it's
changing the world for the better, if only a teeny bit. How many money−making bestsellers can claim as
much?
Q: Isn't it a bit unusual to use a technical/engineering approach in a self−help book?
A: No more so than the usual psychologizing. The book emphasizes the practical skills needed to interact with
women. Only a bare minimum of underlying theory is necessary. This book is based on the not−so−unlikely
premise that a functional relationship with a woman is as intricate and awe−inspiring a structure as, say, a
well−designed suspension bridge or an elegant digital logic circuit. It follows that the skills necessary to
create and sustain such a liaison can be codified and taught in bite−sized chunks. I've said precisely that in the
afterword of the book.
Q: You don't seem to have much respect for psychology in the book, and you favor practical advice over
theory.
A: A man lacks a roof over his head. What does he need more − some loose boards, a keg of nails, and a
hammer... or a lecture on the principles of architecture?
Q: How are shy people handicapped in our society?
A: Beyond causing the obvious difficulties in making friends and forming romantic attachments, shyness
impacts career and social mobility. Shyness can lead to depression and despair. It can feed into feelings of
inferiority, and make it difficult to handle even the most mundane social interactions. All the same, shyness is
not a disease or a defect. It is a character trait, and a perfectly acceptable one at that. Shyness is far less
annoying than such mannerisms as excessive talkativeness, pettiness, or being overly fastidious.
Q: What can a shy person do about it? How about seeking professional help?
A: Psychologists have of late created imaginative new categories for all manners of perceived social
disabilities. There is even a name for what is allegedly behind social ineptness and having difficulty relating to
others − "dyssemia". It means the inability to interpret non−verbal cues. Young children can receive treatment
for this, and adults with the "disorder" have the options of paying for expensive therapy and expensive drugs
or... buying expensive self−help books.
Q: Is it reasonable to assert that an awkward, socially inept nerd can actually develop people skills to the point
of being successful in attracting women just by reading a book? (Pardon my skepticism.)
A: Can the relationship game be all that much more complex than, say, hacking the Linux kernel <grin>?
Seriously, the book is intended as an inspiration, a springboard toward what will be a lifetime job of learning
social skills.
Q: What if a shy, socially inept man uses the techniques in the book to get a woman interested in him, but
doesn't know what to do next? Suppose, for example, that I meet a woman, using one of the personal ad
templates in chapter 7, but I'm not ready yet, and all of a sudden I'm in over my head. She's blown away by
the ad, and wants to get to know me, but just the thought of going forward from here makes me break out into
a cold sweat. I'm nervous, tongue−tied, and frankly terrified.
A: I've received reports of this very thing happening. It is certainly best not to proceed too fast on the program
outlined in HMW, not to skip ahead to the "interesting" parts. One step at a time. Learn to deal with the causes
of your own loneliness and to develop "people skills", to interrelate with other persons in ordinary social
settings. You likewise need enough self−confidence to be able to make a fool of yourself, to fumble around, to
blunder, to learn from mistakes, to fall down and get back up. Only then will you be prepared for the the
complexities and responsibilities, for the pain and the pleasure, for the wild ride of having a girlfriend.
Shy guy, there's no need to rush. It took all your life to get where you are now, and a few more months of
preparation is no great price to pay so that when you finally do get in a relationship, you get it right. For right
now, explain to the woman that the ad puts forward your expressive, poetic side, but that the rest of you can't
quite cope with a real live woman in a real live relationship. Tell her that for the moment, all you can handle is
friendship.
Q: How can a shy man, even one who has acquired a fairly good set of social skills, compete with those who
have been endowed with a natural talent for social interaction?
A: Those fortunate ones seemingly born with social skills tend to take them for granted, and their proficiency
in dealing with their fellow humans reaches a plateau and levels out by adulthood. In other words, they stop
learning after a certain point. Shy men, motivated by necessity, are all too conscious of the need to continue
honing their skills, and they might well make a lifetime project out of this. (The methodical tortoise wins the
race after the rabbit runs out of steam.)
Q: Isn't society based on a natural balance between "winners" and "losers"? If enough shy people learn to
socialize, won't this throw things out of kilter and let loose chaos?
A: Putting shy men on a more even footing in the competition for lovers and mates can, in the long run, only
improve the genetic heritage of the human race. (Shy people seem to be more intelligent on average than
garrulous extroverts.) In an objective sense, this is part of the evolutionary arms race between predators and
decent people, and any step taken toward equalizing matters is a blow for civilization.
Q: What age groups is the book appropriate for?
A: I targeted HOW−2 Meet Women at single males, from 16 on up. Though there is nothing in the book that
would offend the average 12−year−old, it does require a certain level of emotional maturity to benefit from its
teachings.
Q: Should readers of the book discuss it with their friends?
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